Chapter 16 ~ My Life: Asking For Help

While I worked with Carol, it was she who encouraged me to seek counseling.  We had had several heart to heart talks just about...well, you know...things...things that were on my mind  I remember the day she suggested it to me.  I had just burst into tears for no apparent reason.  I was married at the time to my second husband.  We were together a total of two years.  Not one of my fondest experiences.  However, I guess I owe him a bit of thanks as well because, I thought I needed "marriage counseling" since I seemed to be a little too independent for him.  He wanted me to be someone I wasn't...you know the "trophy wife".  YUCK!

So, off I went to a counselor seeking help with my marriage.  Then, while being questioned/interviewed by the counselor, things came out.  It was then that everything from my childhood came pouring out as well as the recurring dreams I had had since I was in my twenties.  At the onset, I was told that I needed counseling for self-esteem.  "How could that be?  Look at what I've done at work.  Look how far I've come in my job.  I mean I really know my stuff," I professed.  My counselor, Marcy, responded, telling me that while I was in strong, self-confident and in control at work, it was my personal life, my inner self, that we needed to work on.  She made it sound so simple.  I needed to love myself and she was going to work with me to learn how.


Oh, and my recurring dreams...it was interesting and always the same dream...same beginning, same ending.  However, one Thursday night, the night before therapy, I had one of my dreams but something from that particular dream that particular night caused a feeling of elation in me.  The ending was different!  It was Friday morning and time for me to go to meet Marcy.  When I arrived, I told her that I was very anxious to start "session".  She smiled and said, "I'm almost ready" as she gathered her notes and we headed in.  We got into session and as we talked, I told her about the dream once again.  However, I then explained the end and what I thought.  She responded to me so assuredly,  "it's over".  I've never had the dream since and I never again saw Marcy.   I was no longer a victim.  I had become a survivor.

I met with my counselor each and every  Friday.  It was one of the best things I have ever done for myself!  I  wish, however, that I had gone much sooner.  I learned many things during counseling.  I learned the term "victim" because I had been one.  I learned the term "survivor" becasue I was one now.  I learned the term "thrivor" becasue that's where I needed to head!